Behind the Smile:
Let me first start off by saying that I wish derby would have made a comeback 10-15 years ago as I am in the derby 40 year and older group. Needless to say it has been hard and frustrating at times. I have wanted to quit on a couple of occasions justifying to myself that I am just too old for this, my body cannot take it; I cannot keep up with the younger skaters, blah blah, blah. Well I am still here, still fighting, still working out at the gym 5 days a week and skating, becoming stronger and there is no way I am quitting now. I will quit when I can no longer pick myself up off the floor or tie my own skates. By the way I am almost 49.
On the surface I am always smiling, laughing, goofing off but what a lot of people do not know about me is what is behind my smile. Behind my smile are a lot of tears, hardships, and battles big and small. There are also a lot of happy things.
Behind my smile is:
Moving 15 times before I graduated high school because my dad changed jobs making it almost impossible to make friends or get attached. I still have a hard time.
The disappointment my parents must have felt when I got pregnant at a young age and ruined any chance for medical school to become a surgeon.
Raising my oldest son as a single mom with not enough money for me to eat at times and having to sleep on the floor because I could not afford a bed or saving change to put into my gas tank to get to work. I would not change a single moment.
Spending the last moments of my mom’s life on this earth at the age of 56; holding her in my arms and telling her it was okay for her to leave that we would be okay and I would take care of everyone. I still miss her every day. She loved derby and would have been my biggest fan.
Loneliness and sadness I feel now that both my boys are moved out and on their own. I think it is called empty nest syndrome. I do not see them nearly enough.
Stress and anxiety I feel now that I am finishing my medical degree because I worry I am not good enough or smart enough. Even though my mom has passed away I am still trying to make her proud. So afraid of failing.
Behind my smile is:
How proud I am of both my boys. My youngest son who is 19 has a daughter who is the sunlight of my life and he is a great daddy. My oldest son is expecting a baby in December.
I have found and married the most wonderful man who supports me in anything I do.
The fact that I am absolutely terrified of birds but I have an 82 lb pit bull.
I am addicted to gum.
I do not like food to touch on my plate and have actually made dividers out of napkins at a restaurant on many occasions embarrassing everyone.
I am afraid to sleep with the closet door open.
I sleep with a teddy bear named boo bear that I have had since the 4th grade.
I found derby and I am obsessed with it. It could not have happened at a better time
I am from Texas and would love to move back there someday.
I have four tattoos. I have two dolphins on my lower back one for each son. They are my favorite mammal. I have a tattoo of our horse Freckles who lived to be an old happy horse; I have a Dallas Cowboy star on my hip. I love the Cowboys and tried out for the cheerleaders in my twenties. I didn’t make it so now I am thinking of turning it into a butterfly. Lastly I have my derby tattoo of a pin up version of Alice. I plan on adding to her.
My two boys and I are getting matching tattoos. Design still in the works.
I picked my name Alice In Pummelland because Alice in Wonderland was my favorite story as a girl growing up (still is) because to me it is a story about personal growth just like derby. Alice starts off unsure, scared, and doubtful but she grows as I have with every adventure, every fall, every practice into a strong, beautiful girl who can kick butt and anything life throws at me.
Alice In Pummelland #54
Visit my fundraising roller derby show at Eye Lounge at 5th Street and Roosevelt
and go to the fundraising website to donate in the fight against cancer
Help Wil Munny Save Some Boobies