What is first? Of course, it’s the initial time something happens, but…
What is a First if there is no Second?
First becomes the only. First, only, last.
I have two half-sisters, a half-brother, and an adopted sister. I am the first child of my mother and my father, my mom’s second husband. They got divorced when I was two years old. I am the only child to have to move when mom married her third husband.
I grew up with my mom and two sisters. I am the first to come out as atheist in my family.
I’m the first bisexual. First to study science. Only/only/only.
What about other firsts? I rode a plane, by myself for the first time when I was 8 or 9, over to San Diego. Called 911 for the first time while seeing domestic violence, around the same time.
I was the first child at the scene when grandpa died. I was the only child there when grandma passed.
I am the only daughter to lose her father.
I’m the one who threw out my mother’s fourth husband and became her caregiver. I’m the first daughter to have her life changed personally by MS. The one to be misused firsthand. First one to get mom’s finances and prescriptions in order. First one listed on the Power of Attorney paperwork. First to be the “bad guy.” More firsts than I care to remember.
All this has made me strong. I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore.
I’m the first to spend time working at sea. I’m the first to travel to the Philippines. I’m the first to have her life changed by AmeriCorps.
First one to get tattoos and piercings. First to play roller derby. Only/only.
First one in therapy. First one to weigh over two hundred pounds.
First to have a long happy relationship. I have a team mate like no other, forever. First to be polyamorous. First one with a girlfriend. Well cared for, for the first time in a long time.
Strength and love and light and more firsts in the wide-open future.
Now, I feel free.