Tattoo Stories

June 6, 2014

“No matter how many times my heart may break, it will always mend”

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“No matter how many times my heart may break, it will always mend”, this is the meaning behind my chest piece, I grew up with what felt like permanent heartbreak. It was a constant battle in my head trying to understand why all the people closest to me were passing away… I lost my dad when I was sixteen, the worst pain I thought I would never have to feel again, right? I was wrong. My aunt passed away with breast cancer, my high school best friends little brother, who was also like my brother, passed away in a car accident, my first love passed away in a motorcycle accident, then three years later I lost another boyfriend to a motorcycle accident. No one I knew had even lost a pet and here I was losing pets, a father, a lover and friends! All I could do was cry and cry some more. There came a point when even crying didn’t let the pain out anymore and I was left dealing with the pain until eventually I was numb. I wish I can say I didn’t feel anymore, but that’s not what went numb… It was my something else.

I needed an out, somehow I managed to keep excellent grades and stay involved in sports. That all ended once high school was over and when I didn’t have an out I went looking for one, a good one. I already had my ears pierced so I thought I would just get more piercings! I pierced my Monroe, my belly button and filled up my ears with metal. I became bored, and though I enjoyed the split second process, it was over and I still felt incomplete. I picked up writing in high school and made teachers cry with my stories of my struggle, so I thought if I was able to let others feel what I was feeling by showing them my experience in life maybe I can express it in other ways, but how.

My first tattoo on my lower back symbolizes my struggle at home; it says Sweet Dreams because at the time the only placed I could be safe was in my sleep, dreaming of a better world. I have a huge passion for understanding the universe and I definitely remember looking up at the stars at night wishing on shooting stars that I could understand it all, so I got my next tattoo on my foot of the moon and shooting star. I learned then the nautical star represented guidance for sailors and thought, I could use some guidance and tattooed them on my lower hips. It was all small stuff but all with a strong meaning to me. I wanted a way to express my pain for losing so many loved ones and decided to use them as a reminder of life and just how precious it is. That’s when I got the sunset on my arm that says, “Live, Love, Cherish, Life” I got that saying off this engraved stone my mom gave me one day and immediately knew what it meant to me. On my 22nd birthday I woke up with the urge for a tattoo and this time I decided to go big or go home. This is when I got my chest. I definitely have some Puerto Rican pride and wanted a tattoo for that too so then came my spanish crown on the back of my neck with the Puerto Rican flag. After these I met my artist Nate Powers out of Iconic Tattoo through my sister and absolute loved all her new ink by him. I had him do my Nightmare Before Christmas sleeve with Sally being the center instead of Jack, because in many ways I felt like Sally. Nate also did my thigh piece of the skull and rose and is currently working on my left sleeve which will be a full piece with skulls and roses, I call it my garden. With so much room left and so much more life to live you better believe this canvas isn’t finished yet. I have since found peace with my past and understand a lot more about the important things I have to focus on.

I can say I have some life experience now at age 26, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t so much more to learn and grow from. I enjoy or eventually appreciate that experience I have been given and to be honest I wouldn’t change anything. I am who I am because of it, I am a strong person and I know this now. I have loved and I have lost, I been through hell and back and even abandoned, but I will keep living and always with a positive outlook. Someone once told me, “You live in the world you create.” I find this to be so true and I decided to create a world of peace and happiness, and that’s exactly what I have done.

3 thoughts on ““No matter how many times my heart may break, it will always mend”

  1. The thought of not being there for you when you needed me will hunt me for life . I am very proud of you no matter what. Love u always.

  2. Jilda im sorry u went thru so much….But theres one thing I live by good or bad….EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON….U did go thru hell …but look wat u have no….and wat I see is beautful person inside and out……my god always be with u….

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