“No matter how many times my heart may break, it will always mend”, this is the meaning behind my chest piece, I grew up with what felt like permanent heartbreak. It was a constant battle in my head trying to understand why all the people closest to me were passing away… I lost my dad when I was sixteen, the worst pain I thought I would never have to feel again, right? I was wrong. My aunt passed away with breast cancer, my high school best friends little brother, who was also like my brother, passed away in a car accident, my first love passed away in a motorcycle accident, then three years later I lost another boyfriend to a motorcycle accident. No one I knew had even lost a pet and here I was losing pets, a father, a lover and friends! All I could do was cry and cry some more. There came a point when even crying didn’t let the pain out anymore and I was left dealing with the pain until eventually I was numb. I wish I can say I didn’t feel anymore, but that’s not what went numb… It was my something else.
I needed an out, somehow I managed to keep excellent grades and stay involved in sports. That all ended once high school was over and when I didn’t have an out I went looking for one, a good one. I already had my ears pierced so I thought I would just get more piercings! I pierced my Monroe, my belly button and filled up my ears with metal. I became bored, and though I enjoyed the split second process, it was over and I still felt incomplete. I picked up writing in high school and made teachers cry with my stories of my struggle, so I thought if I was able to let others feel what I was feeling by showing them my experience in life maybe I can express it in other ways, but how.
My first tattoo on my lower back symbolizes my struggle at home; it says Sweet Dreams because at the time the only placed I could be safe was in my sleep, dreaming of a better world. I have a huge passion for understanding the universe and I definitely remember looking up at the stars at night wishing on shooting stars that I could understand it all, so I got my next tattoo on my foot of the moon and shooting star. I learned then the nautical star represented guidance for sailors and thought, I could use some guidance and tattooed them on my lower hips. It was all small stuff but all with a strong meaning to me. I wanted a way to express my pain for losing so many loved ones and decided to use them as a reminder of life and just how precious it is. That’s when I got the sunset on my arm that says, “Live, Love, Cherish, Life” I got that saying off this engraved stone my mom gave me one day and immediately knew what it meant to me. On my 22nd birthday I woke up with the urge for a tattoo and this time I decided to go big or go home. This is when I got my chest. I definitely have some Puerto Rican pride and wanted a tattoo for that too so then came my spanish crown on the back of my neck with the Puerto Rican flag. After these I met my artist Nate Powers out of Iconic Tattoo through my sister and absolute loved all her new ink by him. I had him do my Nightmare Before Christmas sleeve with Sally being the center instead of Jack, because in many ways I felt like Sally. Nate also did my thigh piece of the skull and rose and is currently working on my left sleeve which will be a full piece with skulls and roses, I call it my garden. With so much room left and so much more life to live you better believe this canvas isn’t finished yet. I have since found peace with my past and understand a lot more about the important things I have to focus on.
I can say I have some life experience now at age 26, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t so much more to learn and grow from. I enjoy or eventually appreciate that experience I have been given and to be honest I wouldn’t change anything. I am who I am because of it, I am a strong person and I know this now. I have loved and I have lost, I been through hell and back and even abandoned, but I will keep living and always with a positive outlook. Someone once told me, “You live in the world you create.” I find this to be so true and I decided to create a world of peace and happiness, and that’s exactly what I have done.