Life has made me Dizzy
My name is Cynthia Ellis aka Dizzy Comin’…I am 43 years old.
I remember telling my sister once that there was no way I was going to live to see 30. My sister and I are very, very close, but I remember when I said that to her she didn’t even flinch, I think that she felt the same way.
Obviously I lived past 30, I even made it to thirty-five, but I lived in a haze. A constant fog full of self-esteem issues, guilt, blackouts, disappointments and big dreams that always fell through the cracks. It was only eight years ago when I really started to live…eight years ago when I finally started to get to know myself and things started to become clear. These are some of the things that I have been learning about myself.
You may or may not find them interesting.
• I am a daughter.
• A sister.
• An Ex-Wife of a man with very a questionable caricature. (That’s about the nicest thing I can say about him.)
• I am the current Wife a wonderful woman.
• I am a veteran of the Canadian Air Force.
• I am drummer.
• I am a raging alcoholic (8 years sober).
• I am a wannabe-gypsy.
• I am a surfer.
• I am a borderline compulsive gambler.
• I am a Company Executive.
• I am possibly the most Superstitious person you will ever meet, (it is almost crippling… every pair of shoes I own has at least 14 pennies in the left shoe, because I won’t dare pass a penny lying on the ground without putting it in my shoe…The left one of course, because the magic of the penny doesn’t work in the right shoe ..You Dig? )
• I am a demanding boss. (But it is only because I see such potential in people and only want success for them).
• I am impatient.
• I am a hard worker.
• I have my own unique lexicon. (Not as extreme as Anne Heche…remember the Barbara Walter’s interview???… but you have to know me pretty well to keep up with my verbiage.)
• I am often selfish.
• I am over protective of people I love.
• My feelings get hurt more often then I will ever admit.
• I strike some people as being ultra-bizarre. (It comes from my Dad. He is the absolute weirdest little man, and the only 66 year old I know that somehow fits “Whoop there it is!!” into every conversation).
• Every morning when I wake up the first thing I do is remind myself to live the day as a “Victor not a Victim”.
• I am madly in love with Roller Derby (if the fog hadn’t been so thick for so long, I would have started this Soul Saving sport when I was 20, not 40).
• I have a tough time forgiving myself and others.
• I check the Urban Dictionary at least once a week so I know what the kids are up to.
• I love to gossip sometimes, although I pretend I never do.
• I do the Running Man better than anyone I know.
• I have style, but have never been stylish.
• I hate aging and will do anything to prevent it. (I found “Facelift in a Jar” on the World Wide Web…seems to be helping some.)
• I’ve done bad things. (One time I ruined Thanksgiving Dinner and started a year- long Family Feud when I drank too many Wine Coolers and “PANTS’ed one of my Aunties in front of 20 people……I was 31 years old….and she was commando….). It gets worse from there….
• I’ve done great things.
• I love changing from Cynthia to Dizzy. (It makes me feel like Sasha Fierce).
My tattoos are so special to me each one of them are there to remind me of how full my life is and how blessed I am and have always been, even though it truly took me 35 years of life to realize it.
When I look down at the waves that cover my right arm, I remember the year I ran away to La Jola beach in Malibu and lived in a 20 foot trailer for a year without electricity. I remember all the books I read, all the bonfires I had, all the wine I drank, all the waves I caught and all the struggles that worked themselves out after realizing that I had fallen in love with a woman.
I look at the musical notes and it reminds me to never give up on my dream of performing onstage.
The Ginny tattoo reminds me that I have found someone who will always be my biggest fan and will never give up on me.
When I see the Derby Girl on my arm, I am reminded I can do anything. I don’t have to the best, but I will never be a Spectator of Life.
The anchor will always remind me of being part of something so special. A moment in time when 9 really cool chicks were 2 Legit 2 Quit.
The most important tattoos to me are very small and confuse people. Most people think they are flying frogs. They are actually 8 small Olives with angel’s wings on them. I reward myself every December with an Olive tattoo.
Clarity is pretty cool, so if I can’t celebrate the anniversary of my “Clarity” it with a Martini, an olive is the next best thing in my world.