What it means to me…
Roller Derby and what it means to me. I have such mixed feeling on it. It’s kind of a love hate thing.
In the Roller Derby world I am known as JobyWan N
I hate the fact that even a year after I broke my neck I still find it to hard and can’t bring myself to sit on the sideline and that I can’t stand to go to a game, or see in on my facebook. I will never be content skating in a rink again, or even at a park, but that is what I am left with. I’m told all the time how I don’t have to give it up, that I can still teach and coach, even referee, but I still can’t bring myself to even do that.. Most people leave and I was forced to. It was a part of me that was taken and not having that choice hurts so badly!
The LOVE of the game is so great, that as I wright this I can’t help but to tear up, because I will never get to play this wonderful game. I feel as if I lost a part of me, or lost a kid. That’s how great this game meant to me. I will never get to reach the goals I had set, I will never get to play with great new people, I’ll never get to play on a travel team and learn the way the game has evolved from when I started 6 years ago. I will never get that rush of anxiety when I hit the jammer line and heard that 2nd whistle. The feeling when I passed the pack and I am now in scoring position, 1,2,3,4,5 points and chasing the clock and the pack for my next points! It’s such a rush!! Or the feeling when I know I have the perfect hit, and SWISH POOW BOOM, SHE’S OUT!!! Even being hit and knocked down and out myself. Or even something as simple as teaching someone new. Teaching someone a new trick or how I did that hit or how make myself so small and I work my way through. There is just so much I love about this game and miss so much.
I love the reaction of people when I say I play or played roller derby. Because I don’t look the part, I look like the girl next door, I’m really not, and really not sure what that means. Because I have a small frame, I don’t look mean or like I can take beating. Well I am and I could. I don’t have tattoos all over, will this I do.. You just can’t see them. And, but you’re not gay!? Are you? No, no I am not! I love the bruises I got from games and practice. The more the better! The injuries, how I had torn part of my ACL and rotator cuff, tore my PCL all together and will forever be stuck in a knee brace, broke my toe, had the muscle lifting from my knee when I bruised it down to the bone and it took 4 months to really heal all the way and an injection of my own blood to be reattached. Or how my shoulder will just pop out now. And let’s not forget I broke my neck and am now held together with plates and screw and cadaver bones. I love the workout it gave me, that when practice was so hard I threw up after. I love people.
In Roller Derby you will meet such a wide range of girls, people. Roller Derby is not just for girls anymore, its men and kids, moms playing with daughters and families. You can’t be in Roller Derby alone, your family will one way or another become a part, we can always find a job for a friend or family member. I love that I didn’t have to” fit in” to play this game. I just had to do what came natural to me. Don’t get me wrong at times I didn’t always feel like I fit in, I didn’t go out drinking and partying after games, I didn’t always get to just hang out, after a while people wouldn’t ask me, but being a single mom always came first. I have 3 great teens that always took first place, and well we all know teens are a species all their own. My own girls grew up in the sport, making them outfits to be mascots and even coaching them. Seeing my baby jump over a fallen team mate and clearing it, then telling me, “I didn’t know what else to do mommy”. The joy it gave me!!
I could go on with how much I love this game and what it means to me, all the memories and all my bruises and injuries. But I can go on forever with the hate, aches and pains I have now and get from not being able to play this game I LOVE so much.
Visit my fundraising roller derby show at Eye Lounge at 5th Street and Roosevelt
and go to the fundraising website to donate in the fight against cancer
Help Wil Munny Save Some Boobies